The Cycle of Dysfunction
Genesis 30:1–8 (NASB95)
1Now when Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she became jealous of her sister; and she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or else I die.” 2Then Jacob’s anger burned against Rachel, and he said, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?” 3She said, “Here is my maid Bilhah, go in to her that she may bear on my knees, that through her I too may have children.” 4So she gave him her maid Bilhah as a wife, and Jacob went in to her. 5Bilhah conceived and bore Jacob a son. 6Then Rachel said, “God has vindicated me, and has indeed heard my voice and has given me a son.” Therefore she named him Dan. 7Rachel’s maid Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. 8So Rachel said, “With mighty wrestlings I have wrestled with my sister, and I have indeed prevailed.” And she named him Naphtali.
Family pain can multiply when we repeat old mistakes and misrepresent God's heart.
Rachel’s longing for children grew into desperation. She envied Leah and cried out to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” Her pain set off a chain reaction. Instead of seeking God’s timing, Rachel gave her maid Bilhah to Jacob as a surrogate. This decision mirrored the choice Abraham and Sarah made with Hagar. The covenant family repeated the same mistake, ignoring the strife it caused in the past. Rachel’s rivalry with Leah only deepened. She celebrated Bilhah’s sons as victories over her sister, turning family into a contest.
The dysfunction in Jacob’s household snowballed. What began as jealousy became a bitter competition. Rachel and Leah both used their servants to gain advantage, and the family’s unity fractured further. The story shows that when we do not learn from the failures of those before us, we risk multiplying pain for ourselves and others. The practice of using servants as concubines was common in their culture, but it always brought heartache and confusion. The covenant family’s refusal to trust God’s promise led to even greater turmoil.
Jacob’s response to Rachel’s anguish made things worse. He snapped, “Am I in the place of God, who has denied you children?” His words were harsh. He implied that God was the cause of Rachel’s suffering. This is one of the worst things a believer can do. When we tell someone that God is responsible for their pain, we add to their burden. We risk turning people away from God’s comfort and love. Believers must be careful not to speak for God in ways that make Him seem cruel, distant, or indifferent.
Today, we must break cycles of jealousy, competition, and blame. We should never use others to get what we want or justify our actions by pointing to cultural norms. Most of all, we must never suggest that God is the author of someone’s suffering. Instead, we are called to offer compassion, patience, and hope. God’s promises are sure, even when His timing is hard to understand. Let us trust Him, learn from the past, and build our families on love and understanding.